Now that you are ready and prepared to enjoy your life to its fullest, let’s tackle some ideas on how you can set yourself free from the shackles of people-pleasing now, shall we?
Warning: This will not be an easy journey, for yourself and those who benefited from your lack of boundaries. Expect to lose some connections. Some will frown and maybe start distancing themselves, but don’t let it deter you from creating a better experience of life for yourself. One that involves equally giving relationships.
After all, you are worthy and deserving of equally beneficial relationships. Those who love and honor you for who you truly are will respect your newfound freedom as well as your boundaries. They will be delighted to watch you evolve to your highest self who is self-loving and prioritizing herself. You look so much better when you are filling your plate with things that benefit you.
Now let’s dive right into how you can be a badass and start throwing a lot of No’s to those who can’t stop taking :
Stalling is your best friend
When you’re really not interested in showing up for plans, start by stalling. Just say “may I get back to you on that ?”, or “I need to think about it first “. Usually, there is a group of people who won’t follow up on this but the bunch that may try to follow up, take the time to figure out how you will let them down.
Drown yourself in Affirmations
Nothing boosts your confidence like affirmations. When you affirm, you are ready to kick ass. When your old pattern of thought is met with the new information you feed yourself through affirmations, it doesn’t stand a chance. If you spend some time reminding yourself how powerful you are, and some old form of thought visits you on some “they will reject you if you say no “, you can quickly tap into your power that you have been cultivating all along.
If you are not sure how to start with affirmations to stop people-pleasing, I wrote a guide that you can use dedicated to affirming yourself out of people-pleasing. It’s available on Amazon, I will also leave a link below.
Say No and offer no explanation.
A lot of times when people aren’t used to hearing a “No” from a people pleaser, they get shocked when it is finally uttered. You may be tempted to explain yourself when you notice the shock but stick to your word. Don’t explain, don’t apologize, just say no. Some will try to convince you into saying yes but don’t fall for it. You are finally setting boundaries and you have to be firm in your decision.
Allow yourself to disappoint people
You are allowed to disappoint others, just not yourself. One thing you should know, people are capable of making other arrangements when you let them down. It goes to show that they are very much capable of doing things for themselves. So get comfortable disappointing others, they will get over it and finally do things for themselves.
It may feel terrible at first, but remember you are prioritizing yourself and your needs because you also matter. Set a limit on the time of involvement or level of help you are willing to offer. If someone is asking for something that can take your entire day, make it clear you can only offer 30 minutes of your time. This is something you can stick to. Train your mind that for every level of help you will offer, there is a set time or limit of your involvement. Once the limit is reached, you don’t even offer room for negotiation. You simply get up and leave.
I hope this helps you and you can now find some time for yourself and enjoy life to its fullest. Enjoyed reading this? You can discover books to help with low self-esteem here.