Are you constantly on the verge of losing your mind? Is your plate full of other people’s expectations of you? Do you struggle to say no to others? Are you perhaps struggling with people-pleasing?
If you are always saying yes to others when you should be saying no instead, you lack boundaries. If you are lacking some personal time because you promised Judy to babysit her dog while she attends to her personal duties, then you struggle with putting yourself first and it is called people-pleasing?
Now let’s do a quick background of where we get this idea of always feeling the need to have other people’s interests above our own.
A lack of personal boundaries
When you lack boundaries, you become the easiest target for people to dump their unwanted labor. You are always the one willing to work long hours. You are always willing to put your plans on hold so it doesn’t inconvenience others. Well, what about you? A lack of boundaries isn’t something to be proud of, it is something to be examined.
Lack of authenticity
The minute you choose to be of service to others with the intention of being accepted, you have stopped being true to yourself. This means you are inauthentic, you are showing up in life under the assumption that your true self isn’t acceptable. You’re altering yourself so you can be acceptable, but that’s not the way life is.
Fear of rejection
Often there is a fear of rejection when you are committed to pleasing others. There is that unhelpful thought in your mind that rings like “If I don’t do this, they won’t hang out with me anymore “; “If I don’t fill in this application for Sienna, she won’t like me anymore .” Do you see how unhelpful this is? If you are surrounded by people who require so much compromise on your end, then you are in a wrong circle and it’s time to put a stop to it.
Now, there is nothing wrong with generosity, God bless us all for having good hearts. But there is everything wrong with always being the one handing out without receiving anything in return. And let me tell you something, if you are always in connections that keep taking from you without any form of reciprocation, you are in for a long ride because as I famously said in one of my books” Connections where you are constantly the one handing out, thrive well between parties that lack boundaries, takers who don’t know when to stop taking and you, who doesn’t know when to stop giving.
Fear of disappointing others
I don’t know where we learn this, that we should always be cautious of disappointing others, even if it means disappointing ourselves. I am here to give you permission since you can’t give it to yourself. Start disappointing people today, start saying no to their requests and stop babysitting Judy’s dog and go do your hair or even sleep. Your free time doesn’t mean you are available, it’s your free time for a reason so you can rest or do something that is fulfilling and exciting for you.
You need to drop this one, it’s a myth and it will cause you a headache. Get over it. Just get it done and over with, life will carry on. No one is interested in things being perfect, they just need to be done. Perfectionism will have you procrastinating, setting unrealistic goals just so things can be done. Sorry, you are wasting time, get things done so we can move over to other exciting things.
Enjoyed reading this? Here are 5 Ways To Stop People Pleasing
If you would like to read more about shame, Dr. Brenè Brown’s lessons can be a great place to start.