Toxic relationships can be quite addictive. The ups and downs may fool you into believing it is the best thing that can happen under the sun. You find yourself repeatedly in the same cycle, where you are loved one moment and then treated as though you don’t matter for the most prolonged period.
It is easy to get involved in a toxic relationship. The beginning stages are often layered with romance actions. These actions may leave one feeling like the main character in a romantic comedy. Although this lasts for a very brief moment, you are left holding on to the memories.
It’s these memories, that set a hopeful idea of the relationship returning to its healthy state. But often, it rarely ever return to its healthy state. While you may attempt to leave, you are lured back by the same actions but you will find yourself in the same position again.
Now, how do you let go of such a toxic connection?
Be Honest With Yourself
When something is not working out the way we wish it could, we often create stories in our minds to avoid facing the truth. While it may be tempting to tell yourself that things will change someday, it may be helpful to look at the situation for what it is. Choose to tell yourself the truth. If things aren’t working out, tell yourself the honest truth about it.
Shift The Focus To Yourself
It’s tempting, to consume your time arguing with your partner to perhaps treat you better. So often, in toxic relationships, you are caught up in the middle of arguments begging and pleading for consideration and regard. It rarely produces any results to constantly argue.
Save your energy and redirect it to yourself. Find something empowering and life-changing to do with your time. Go out with friends, start a new project, improve your life. As you embark on this journey, it will steer you further away from consuming your time with disempowering things.
Ask yourself empowering questions
Asking yourself why things are happening to you won’t lead you anywhere. While you may feel sorry for yourself, you may also desire to move on from that state to a more empowering state. You can ask yourself questions like “How would I like to feel while in a relationship ?”, “What is it, that I want in a relationship that I cannot do for myself ?’, “why do I feel okay being mistreated ?”. You will discover driving factors of remaining in a toxic relationship, which may hopefully assist you in finally choosing yourself.
Practice Acceptance
While acceptance sounds easy to speak about, it is often hard to practice. Accept that things aren’t going well. Accept that you aren’t treated with the highest regard. While you accept the situation for what it is, remember it says nothing about you. I know a lot of times, we feel like failures over a relationship not working out. But why would you want to carry such a shame when it actually takes two people to make a relationship work? You are brave, for finally recognizing what wasn’t working for you and choosing to let it go.
Write a letter
Communication channels are rarely available in toxic relationships. Often, you aren’t provided with a safe space to express yourself. So write a letter to the specific person, express yourself as you honestly can. You are allowed to curse at them but don’t send it. Once you have expressed all your emotions, burn the letter. While you burn the letter, chant the words “Thank you. I release you. I am letting you go”.
Allow yourself to feel
The ending of a relationship can be a painful experience. Feel every emotion associated with the ending. Even though the relationship might have been toxic, you were in love with someone. Ending it will obviously be painful, so cry, beloved, whenever the need arises. When you feel overwhelmed with emotion, grab a journal and write. Not everyone will have the patience to listen, so writing offers a much better space to vent. Plus paper is more patient than people.
Practice A release Meditation
I have two guided meditations that are super helpful in letting go. You may find yourself crying in the beginning, but it’s okay. Commit to practicing these two meditations until you feel better . You can try Master Sri guided meditation to let go or better yet, Brian Scott’s release meditation.
Set A Healthy Perspective
This is the part where you choose to let go with love, instead of anger. You have permission to be angry, but you can set a different view of the driving factor behind leaving a toxic relationship. Instead of being worried about what you are leaving behind, you can choose to view it as an opportunity of creating something beautiful in the space that has suddenly emerged.
Practice Self Introspection
Give yourself some time, to introspect. What lessons can you learn from your past relationship? What can you completely leave behind? In your future relationship, how would you like to feel? How does feeling love sound to you? As you spend some time with your thoughts, you will learn a lot about yourself.
I hope these steps help you find a way out of a toxic relationship. You are beautiful, loved, kind, and deserving. Remember, you only have control over yourself. How the next person chooses to act, is not a load for you to bear. All you have to do is ensure that you feel loved and respected. If you don’t feel loved, you have a choice to let go.
Enjoyed reading this? Find out how to improve your self-esteem here .
